A Conversation with Lilavati Aguilar, former 2nd Grade Teacher and Early Education Advisor, Living Wisdom School of Palo Alto, California.
Q: Lilavati, you taught kindergarten for five years at Living Wisdom School. You then taught second grade, where you had some of the same children in your class that were with you in kindergarten. Did you see qualities that they had brought over from kindergarten, that had helped them personally and in their school work?
Lilavati: It was fun to see how they had matured, and how they’d grown in the important behaviors and attitudes we teach kids, starting in kindergarten.
In Education for Life, we give the children skills that will serve them throughout their lives, beginning from day one. For example, the ability to be calm, focused, and cheerful will help them all their lives, not only in their school work.
In kindergarten, they learned simple meditation practices that helped them feel calm and focused. In second grade, we would sit for five minutes, and maybe by the end of the year we would meditate as long as ten minutes on occasion, and that’s very good for their age. They had come a long way since kindergarten, when the meditations were much shorter.
How does it help them? I find that they are able to navigate calmly through the busy energy of the classroom by finding a calm personal focus with the simple meditation tools we’ve given them. When we did our brief meditations, I would feel the energy in the room coming to a calmer, more refined, receptive focus.
Whether the children come to us in kindergarten or later, they quickly pick up on the joyful, harmonious energy in the school, and the meditation and breathing exercises help them learn to go into that calm, happy place at will.
We do these practices in all the grades. The older kids also practice a series of exercises that Paramhansa Yogananda devised, that help them gain control of the energy in their bodies, as an aid to learning to be calm, focused, and self-controlled.
At the start of the school year, I thought that because the second graders already had such calm energy, they might enjoy going deeper in that feeling by practicing some of the energization exercises that the middle schoolers do. It was inspiring to see how much they enjoyed them, and the confidence and self-control they gained from the practice.
In kindergarten, they learn about will power, and how they can use their will and mental focus to direct their energy in ways that will help them feel happy. These are very important skills, because who doesn’t enjoy being energetic, self-controlled, calm, centered, and open to the ideas and realities of others?
As teachers, we often talk about the energy in the classroom. It’s something the children also understand. My second-graders were seven and eight. They were happy, active kids, and if we weren’t careful, the energy could go all over. When I saw that start to happen, we would do some energization together, and it was surprising how quickly their energy and attention would become focused, present, happy, and calm.
We would start the day with these practices, just before we would go into math class. I found that the calm, focused energy and deep attention carried over very directly into math. It was wonderful to see how they were able to work with deep, focused attention and enthusiasm, even at that young age.
When they run into a hard problem, they know how to get very concentrated. A child will say, “I don’t know how to do this. It’s too hard!” I’ll say, “Okay, great, I’m glad it’s hard for you, because now you get to practice your will power. Remember how you focus your attention and use your will power when you energize? Now you can use it and see if you can work on the math problem.”
They would understand what I’m saying, because it’s something they’d experienced with their own body and breathing, so it was very real to them, and they knew how helpful it was.
These are things we teach them in the early grades as a foundation for learning to be successful not only in school but in their interactions with their friends and teachers. These practices help them be happy and engaged at the start of the day, and they look forward to having occasional breaks to do some breathing, meditation, and energization.
Q: What kind of meditation practices did you teach them?
Lilavati: We would keep it very simple. We worked almost exclusively with the breath. That’s another big concept, learning how they can work with their breathing to calm themselves and get into a more focused, happy energy.
I would tell them to take a big breath, then exhale slowly, and just relax deeply and savor the enjoyable feeling of deep calmness and alert attention. I would say, “Big breath – relax. Now just let your breath flow normally and naturally, and notice when your breath goes in and out.”
I would remind them not to try to control their breathing, but just watch it with calm, single-pointed attention. I would suggest that it would help them stay focused if they would touch two fingers together as the breath comes in.
After watching the breath for a while, I might ask them to close their eyes and listen intently, and report on whatever sounds they were hearing. They might describe hearing birds, or a passing car, and because they were sharing aloud, they paid close attention.
After several days of doing the breathing and listening practices, we would bring our attention to our bodies. I would say, “Can you hear your breathing? Can you hear your heart beating?”
It isn’t easy to hear the heartbeat, but they would get very, very focused as they tried, and they might hear other body sounds. Someone would say, “I think I hear blood flowing,” because they knew a little bit about the body from science class.
Next, I would ask them to put one hand on their heart, and I would say, “If you can’t hear your heart, can you feel it?”
There’s something about concentrating on the physical body that captures their attention, because it’s a close experience, and in EFL we want them to learn as much as possible from their own experiences.
Q: Did you talk about the feelings of the heart?
Lilavati: That’s the next level. After a day or two of feeling the heartbeat, I would ask them to keep a hand on their heart, and I would say, “Now think of a time when you felt really safe and loved. Maybe you were hugging your mom or your dad. Maybe you were hugging your cat. Can you sit there and just feel love?”
We would picture the feeling, and we would hold a feeling of love, then we would expand it. I would say, “See if you can have that feeling of love as it goes all around the classroom. See if you can make it bigger and go all around the school, all the way to your mom and dad, wherever they are, and maybe all the way around the planet.”
We would do these heart exercises, and maybe I would say, “Remember a time when you felt lots of happiness, or when you felt joy. Where were you? Try to picture it clearly.” And then we would fill the classroom with joy, and the whole school.
We’re giving them an experience of expanding and extending from something they’re familiar with, the physical body, so that it’s always based on an actual experience, and not just talking abstractly about qualities like love, focus, and energy.
Q: When I observed in your kindergarten classroom, I noticed a strong feeling of harmony, and a focus that seemed almost miraculous, for children at the very young age of four to six.
Lilavati: They are very engaged, even at four. We would often have visitors coming through the school. Families would visit us when they were looking for the right school for their child, or there might be researchers coming in to observe. So the children were used to having people come in and out, and they might look up and notice, okay, there’s a visitor, but right away they would return to what they were doing.
Q: A former kindergarten teacher here said that she spent the first three months helping the children learn to behave in the classroom – how to be aware of others, how to listen, and how to treat your friends. For example, how to ask for things – instead of just grabbing the pencil, here are the words you can say to ask for what you want.
She said that after the first three months, which required lots of energy and attention from her, it got easier, because they had learned what was expected of them, and how to be happy. At the time, I thought it was wonderful, because they were learning skills that are valuable at any age. “Oh, here’s how I can say this and respect the other person’s reality.” We’re making those decisions about our behavior all the time, and we’re evaluating what we can say to another person, and how to restrain ourselves and give the person space to talk. It sounds like you’re teaching a course in Civilized Behavior, starting in kindergarten.
Lilavati: Exactly so! Because, yes, you do need to teach them these things. For example, we would talk about “using your big voice” when you need to be an advocate for yourself if you have a need.
You do have to be able to stand up for yourself at times, but at the same time you need to be aware of the other person and their needs. It can take a lifetime to perfect these skills, but it starts in kindergarten, and we give them the words to be able to move around in the world with other people.
If a child comes to me and says, “Lilavati, they took my toy!” we don’t solve the problem for them. Instead, we give them the skills to solve it on their own.
The first question I would ask is, “So, how did you like it?” Did you like it? “No.” And the way they respond will tell you a lot. If they are quiet and withdrawn and it’s “No,” you might have to help them get their energy bigger before they go over and try to problem-solve. But if they’re ready to go over and clobber the other person, you’ll need to help them calm down with some deep breathing, and so they gradually learn to take a big breath before they go over and talk about it.
Q: It sounds like you’re creating a happy atmosphere for academics. Meditation gives you focus, energization gives you energy and control, and learning the right behaviors, plus learning at their own pace gives them happiness. You’re giving them skills to find their way in the world, and I’m guessing that it helps them when they’re learning new things.
Lilavati: Yes, it’s absolutely true. Absorption, focus, paying attention, and being enthusiastic, and maybe having little victories every day.
Those all start in kindergarten. And again, I would take it back to how we are always talking about our energy. We are always watching to see, first of all, what their energy is like. Are they rambunctious and over the top and unable to focus? Then you’ll need to do some calming things like breathing and meditation. Are they tired and checked-out and uninterested? Then you’ll need to help them lift their energy, maybe by doing some “awake and ready” exercises, or taking them outdoors for fresh air and a short walk. As a teacher, you have to be constantly aware and careful to notice what’s going on with them.
At Living Wisdom, the bonds between the children and the teachers are unusually close, because they are based, first of all, on the small class size, but also on the teachers’ deep awareness that it’s essential to cultivate a bond with each child so that we can get to know them on a deep level and adjust the curriculum and guidance to the exact needs of the child every day.
By getting to know the child at a deep level, we are very clearly aware that one child will need to breathe and get calm and have some quiet time, while another child might need the opposite.
When you have those close connections, the students are much more open to hear what you’re saying. If they feel seen and understood, and you ask them to stop doing something, they’ll listen. But if there’s no bond, and there’s a feeling that the teacher is just saying what she wants, then there’s a feeling that it doesn’t have anything to do with them and their needs, and why should I want it, too?
So it’s extremely important, and it’s amazing how the kids will develop deep bonds with their teachers over the years, and with the school, so that they feel safe and able to calm down and take in information because they are feeling understood.
So yes, having those connections with the teachers and the other students helps their success in academics big-time.
To give an example, we hear about schools where the students are afraid to speak up in class or talk to their teacher about a problem they’re having in their life, because the classes are big and the focus is on mass education, and there is no time or energy to individualize the curriculum.
Imagine the effect that that kind of school environment would have on whether you would want to study hard or express your enthusiasm – if you’re in an atmosphere where there is much less warmth and love, and more fear. It’s an amazing gift for the children to be in this environment and this atmosphere where they feel safe, connected, and understood.
When I worked in public schools, I saw how many of the kids would get lost, and how they had to push for their needs, and how they could become selfish as a result. Whereas at Living Wisdom, it’s so open and expansive that the kids are willing to help each other, because we are truly a close family. It’s very unique here, how even though there may be misunderstandings, we are able to work with them because of those close bonds.
There were two little boys in my class who were very good friends, but there was a time when one of them made a bad decision and said some mean words to his friend.
We immediately stopped and talked about it. I asked the little boy who had gone over the top with his language, “Well, how do you think so-and-so felt when you said that?”
From having worked with his friends this way, and from being used to the vocabulary, he was able to think about it and say from his heart, “I think I hurt him. I think that was hurtful.”
When I asked him what he would say, he turned to his friend and said, “I’m so sorry.” And it wasn’t a halfhearted “I’m sorry,” where the teacher is making you say it. It was where they both could feel that it was genuine.
For lots of kids today, their lives can be very compartmentalized, and even fractured. But here it’s a whole-person experience for them.
Q: I have to say that the atmosphere in the school feels like there’s a lot of friendship going round.
Lilavati: Some days, they’ll get up on the wrong side of the bed, but when they arrive here, you can see them relax, because they know how to ask for help, and they can say, “I’m having a terrible morning,” and they know that they will get help, and sometimes it will be from the teachers, but sometimes it’s from the other students who are understanding and kind.
Q: I saw this happen in third grade, when a little girl was having a bad day, and the teacher, Kshama, immediately noticed and started talking to her, and several kids came over and crowded around, and a little girl made faces at her friend to make her smile.
Lilavati: Yes, exactly, and then each of them will come in with their own interests and passions, and those are validated, because our curriculum is flexible enough that if we see a passion for dinosaurs, or outer space, we can support it and adjust the curriculum to include it. It goes back to knowing the students and having a bond with them, so that we can see how to help them go a little farther with what’s interesting for them.
We learn about their strengths early in their time here, and we figure out what makes them happy and how we can adjust the curriculum to teach them what they need to know, in a context that works for them. They’ll say, “Wow, I love dinosaurs.” They’ll share their love for dinosaurs with the class, and we’ll all learn. We feel it’s very important for each child to be able to express their special enthusiasms, because it carries over into their academic subjects, and it makes them happy learners and happy people.
Of course, there will be a feeling of, “This is the kind of stuff I find incredibly interesting, and this is the stuff I don’t like so much, but I can use my will power to get through it.”
Q: Is math a big one, since people tend to be either into math or not.
Lilavati: They usually like math!
Q: Really? Have you figured out a way to work with children who aren’t math-talented? There’s a well-known math educator at Stanford, Jo Boaler, who found that math instruction needs to be highly individualized so that those who aren’t advanced can take small steps and enjoy their daily victories, and they end up enjoying math.
Lilavati: That’s our approach. We are always watching to see where they are individually, and we’re adjusting the curriculum for them.
There was a little girl who would draw pictures during math class, but now she’s in second grade and very proud of how well she’s doing in math, and she’s getting ahead of everyone else. It took time, but because we were able to support her and help her at her level, she was able to figure it all out.
Q: Do you still do partner walks and partner reading, where the young children are paired with the older students?
Lilavati: When COVID finally began winding down, we began doing partner reading again, because the kids missed it so much. The little kids and the big kids both love having partners. If you have a partner for reading and you see your partner at recess, you know them as a friend, and the big kids watch out for the little ones.
Our littlest girl this year is just a tiny slip of a thing, as cute as can be. She was partnered with the tallest boy in the school, and I have a picture of them, with this long, lanky boy and this tiny girl, and they’re poring over a book together.
Q: Thank you, Lilavati, for bringing us into the wonderful world of the early grades at Living Wisdom School.